“Win the parents, win the girl!” That short phrase illustrates if Asian parents will support you in courting their daughter and being their son-in-law. Let’s face it, in a majority of cases, you do not date individuals, you essentially date the family.
Here are four ways to impress Asian parents when courting or dating their daughters.
No, this does not mean that you all of a sudden go to a civil registry office and apply for a change of name to something that sounds Chinese, Japanese, Korean, etc. with whatever cultural intonations associated with the name. Neither do you blindly use popular cultural tokens since you run the risk of making your Asian woman’s parents silently cringe at your behavior.
If the problem is that the only thing they care about is that their daughter’s boyfriend is Chinese, Japanese, or Korean, then all you need to do is become that Asian. If your daughter’s parents are Japanese, then live your life according to what Japanese parents expect a Japanese son-in-law to be.
Of course, this will require in-depth research on your part and discussion with your Asian girlfriend since you cannot just play out one or a few cultural behaviors. Again, you must become the man her parents are looking for.
Learning the language is one of the important core requirements when you have a long-term commitment with another land. If you are visiting the country for a few days or months, then of course you will be forgiven for speaking in your native tongue.
However, if you change residence there for whatever reason, then expect not just your neighbors, but also your girlfriend’s parents to see results in learning their national language up to the local dialect where your girlfriend is from.
This is a great way to earn respect from your girlfriend’s family. Such a gesture as learning the local dialect will demonstrate a commitment not just to her, but to her entire family.
One of the key differences between Western culture and Eastern culture is the relationship between the individual and the community. We are not broadcasting that idea and claiming that if she is Asian, then she is automatically communitarian. However, in the majority of cases, we are.
Honor in the community and family prestige are general traits that most Asians value. That is why so much effort is made by many Asian parents to make their children succeed in the fine arts, academe, medicine, business, etc. There is a strong drive to bring the family name to the top in their immediate circle.
Now we can see why apart from making the family look good in matters of performance, you must also maintain harmony in the neighborhood. Does this mean paying for lavish parties and inviting all the neighbors in a routinary way? No, unless you would like to and you can afford it.
If you are asked to help out or do a normal thing in the community, just do it. It makes you look good in their eyes and, consequently, in the eyes of your girlfriend’s parents.
In Western societies, it is a case-to-case basis because some families are okay with extreme individualism or they might not care since at the core of the relationship everything that goes on is between you and her. However, this is different with Asian families.
Imagine yourself courting a Western, conservative family’s daughter in the mid-20th century. A Christian family, somewhere along the lines of Protestants or Mormons. Imagine presenting yourself with the kind of 21st-century crass individualism and thought process to her parents. Would you bet that such parents would accept you as their son-in-law? Neither would your Asian girlfriend’s parents.
Despite varying degrees of what is expected to be decent behavior when introducing yourself to any Asian parents, err on the side of putting your best foot forward. Think of it as a job interview since you are essentially selling yourself as a responsible son-in-law. Wear something respectable and make them confident that you will be able to raise a family. Convince them that you can be an awesome addition to their clan.
Isn’t That What All Parents Want?
In hindsight, it might look like a general demand that ONLY Asian parents are looking for, but in reality, isn’t that what all REAL parents of traditional families want for the daughter they love? That she is dating and will marry a respectable, stable man that can fit well into their family and community.
Simply put, if you want to impress your Asian girlfriend’s parents, then all you need to do now is transform yourself into the suitor that they would accept.
This story was originally published on Medium: 4 Ways To Impress Asian Parents
