You’re single. It’s Friday, and you’ve just gotten home after a long day of work. You don’t have any plans for the night, since all your friends are busy. You find yourself sitting on your couch, wondering what you’ll do. Suddenly, it hits you. You’re alone and lonely.
However, you are not one to wallow in a pity party, so you’ve decided that you don’t want to be alone anymore.
You’ve recently heard about dating websites catering to men looking for foreign women, and maybe you are a bit skeptical. However, at this point, you’re willing to bet on it as a means of escaping your loneliness.
You’re interested in exploring Asian culture and are captivated by the allure and values of a woman from Asia. You sign up for a matchmaking site linking you to profiles of Asian women and perusing all of them until you see one that interests you.
However, you stop short and begin to ask yourself: “What do I say?”
Say no more! Here are four pieces of advice to overcome what’s blocking you from making that first move.
In communication, and much like any decision you make in life, anything is better than dead silence and idle time. If you can’t think of anything witty to compliment your love interest, the best thing you can say at the moment is a simple “hi” or “hello.”
Don’t think, and just do it. As you get used to greeting her, you will find yourself with variations of that simple greeting on the fly. You might say hi and ask how her day is going at the same time. You might remark about how you have something in common after reading her profile. You will improve over time.
Perhaps within the day, she replies with a “hi” or “hello” in return. She might also ask how you are doing. Once you answer her question, then congratulations, you are now into the back and forth of the game called love.
You’ve heard of generalizations and stereotypes. For the same reason that anyone with your family name isn’t the same as you, neither will she. Remember, every person has unique circumstances and experiences despite being socially categorized as female, man, Asian, Western, etc.
This means that you need to take the first step of discovery and find out about her. Remember, don’t hesitate no matter how weird you might think it is. Start with some simple queries and those that might connect with your interests.
If you like cooking, ask if she likes cooking too. Who knows, you might be sharing lots of pictures of the dishes you’ve made later on.
Asians are not all the same, although we may share some general traits. These traits may have Confucian or Buddhist teachings, communitarian values that center on harmony, or working together to achieve a goal.
If she is from mainland China or Hong Kong and if you want to try conversing with her in her regional language (which has a lot of potential for future conversation) you will discover that you will be communicating with her in either Mandarin or Cantonese.
If she is from Thailand you might like to ask which region or province she is from because if you have an interest in Thai food, you can ask about certain dishes that are well-known in her province.
The idea behind this practice is again to discover more about her identity. What you will research will naturally be more in line with what you are personally interested in regarding her culture.
Simple emojis, stickers, gifs, or if you can afford them, small simple gifts can go a long way to demonstrate sweetness and affection. They are best not used as the mainstay of your courtship since it is somewhat like a baker focusing too much on the icing rather than the structure of the cake. This will add spice before your next message or conversation.
Take that first step.
It is always a tragedy in a story when two people that could have been together happily ever after never got to achieve that because of some incident or thing that prevented them from coming together. For you, don’t let your hesitation prevent you from losing your chance with her.
Also, if she doesn’t reply to your query, or if both of you don’t seem to be hitting it off like you thought it would later on, then move on to the next profile. Consider it a process that comes with the journey and keep at it until you find the one who was truly looking for you.
This story was originally published on Medium: How To Converse With Asian Women
